Running Dive

“Come home,” he said.

Repeatedly. “You belong here, Eric. Come back to your own people.”

Then he mentioned something about Jesus.

My friend, I ALREADY AM HOME. My own people are the open-minded, laid-back people of the West Coast. The ones who (largely) aren’t looking to God to fix things but are taking steps to fix things themselves. The ones who don’t need to conform me to their values but can let me live within mine. The ones who aren’t waiting for change but making it happen. The ones who like the sun and the ocean enough to endure earthquakes and volcanoes and wildfires.

There’s a 14,000’ volcano out of my back window, and in 90 minutes I can be skiing on its flanks. There are sea lions and seawater less than a mile from my front door. There are bald eagles in the 100’ Douglas fir trees towering above my home.

This is where I belong. This is my destiny.

Here we go! 49 by 49

Alright, I’m finally putting it out there. My goal: lose 49 lbs by age 49. Drop from 219 to 170. 49 pounds…that’s like a 19” CRT I’m carrying around. Or a Marshall amp. Attached to my body.

I have no excuses, no reasons why I can’t. It’s a mental challenge more than anything. Set aside time daily to focus on the body instead of feeding the mind a steady diet of social media bullshit.

I head back to Vancouver tomorrow to start my new work year (work decade!). This is it. I’ve even posted a Traineo widget to show my progress.

Wish me luck!

Okay, so, it’s just TIME.

I hate the gym. Why? I hate doing anything that feels like I’m wasting precious seconds of my life. Why? I have no idea. Must have died young in a previous life.

I’ve never “had” to work out in my entire life. I’ve always been wiry (hard to believe now) and nimble and fast. Strong, too - I could easily leg-press several hundred pounds.

But the reality is that it’s time to face the fact that if I want to live long enough to see my grandkids I need to get into the gym and invest the time doing something I hate. I’ve made drastic diet changes (all organic, no fast food except on an occasional freeway trip) and I’m walking more than I’ve ever walked in my life. I’ve dropped 12 pounds since moving to Vancouver but I have another 30 to go. That goal = gym time.

What is it about the culture of a gym that makes me hate it so much? The fact that gyms attract overly-competitive, testosterone-laded idiots—guys who hang out at the gym because they lack any other redeeming social skills? The fact that you can’t just work on yourself, by yourself? The “scene” aspects? I don’t know but I seriously hate the scene and would rather just work out by myself.

Most online commitments end up being good intentions never followed through. Takes a lot to rock someone out of their complacency and patterns. It’s too easy to stick with the comfortable. But I used to be lean and quick on my feet and one of the fastest sprinters I knew. That’s the vision in my head, the goal of where I want to be. I look in the mirror with my shirt off and it’s painful. Seriously. I was always the skinny guy. You’d think the shock of seeing someone in the mirror you don’t recognize would be enough to spur behavior change but it’s not. Not when stress, bills, taxes, deadlines, clients and yet another weekend of work looms before you.

It’s time to move this plan to the next level, to step up and change behavior. To fight against my long-held beliefs that this is a waste of time. Wish me luck!

And some good news

Reweaving Reality Check for September 2009

1. EXERCISE
2. EATING
3. RELOCATION
4. FINANCE
5. MEANING
6. MINDSET

Status against the plan:

1. Exercise. Walking 2km a day now at the very minimum. HUGE improvement to get off my ass. Wears me out and my work clothes get sweaty but Vancouver is a fantastic walking town and I’ve purposefully gotten a condo that’s at least a kilometer from work so that I am forced to walk. The car stays in storage the entire week and I am SAVING a shitload of gas money. I’m not doing the full exercise routine I wanted to but this is a huge start.

2. Eating. I’m being faithful to eating nothing but organic while in Vancouver. The only exception: there’s a British butcher shop in North Van that I’ve gotten some tasty bangers, Irish pudding and other British meats from, and they are Teh Awesome.

3. Relocation. Investigating house possibilities in Canada. Jena found some very cool houseboats today on Coal Harbour. That would rule.

4. Finance. As I write this, I’m surrounded by paid bills and filed statements. I’m doin’ it, baby! I am making my peace with *$(% money.

5. Meaning. I’ve been volunteering my time helping non-profits understand how to use social media, and I’ll be working a fundraiser for at-risk youth on 9/12, called Twestival.

6. Mindset. Yeah, I’m still angry. It happens when you’ve had majorly serious shit go down in your life. Deaths. Gun violence. Multiple losses. Divorce. After awhile, it’s hard to stay positive. Yet all in all, I’m in a way better place than I was a year ago.

Click-click-click-click…

The rollercoaster of my life nears the top of the crest of the first summit and once again I steel myself in anticipation of the rapid rush of change. The unknown tunnels, the unexpected loops, the worry of near collisions or severed limbs.

Yet, as with a roller coaster ride, what I need to remember is that I will emerge at the end of the ride unscathed, a little dizzy, a little tense, but also exhilarated, smiling and less worried about the unknown.

Arms up, Weaver…no barfing!

Let’s put a little structure to the vision.

In order to achieve a strategy, you have to make progress toward the steps that take you from Point A (where you are now) to Point B (where you want to go).

Looking at my vision, the areas I need to focus on are:

1. EXERCISE
2. EATING
3. RELOCATION
4. FINANCE
5. MEANING
6. MINDSET

All my posts and all my efforts are going to fall into these categories.

Focus 1: Exercise

Step 1a: Start by doing situps every day, at a very minimum.

Step 1b: restart my karate training, in Vancouver. Those two things by themselves should give me the impetus to take my physical health and exercise level up a notch or two.

Focus 2: Eating

I am your classic Expense Account eater, which means I spend a lot of time wining and dining others. That can be VERY BAD FOR YOU, because it means a steady diet of expensive food in large quantities along with a lot of drinks. And I wonder why my waistline’s expanded by two inches.

Step 2a: my Vancouver pad will have nothing but organics in the fridge and pantry. That should be a relatively easy step. As far as saying NO to big meals, that’s super-challenging when I’m starved. Getting my metabolism up and burning off the extra calories will help.

Step 2b: Gotta figure out how to eat so that I’m not feeling starved all the time and yet not losing muscle mass from starving myself.

Step 2c: Drink a lot more water. That’s not hard. Every day is Bring Your Aluminum Bottle to Work Day!

Focus 3: Relocation (on hold)

I can say right now that Relocation is not in the immediate future. I’m reloing to Vancouver next month but that’s not a move toward a sunnier locale! But, it will provide me with the career and financial inertia to one day move somewhere warm. So let’s ignore Relocation for now.

Focus 4: Finance

Time to get in touch with my inner accountant. To be honest, nothing bores me more than money. God, who cares?!? Maximizing every penny for the best long-term gain? What a collosal waste of time. Yet financial security is perhaps my wife’s #1 focus and priority. So it’ll have to become mine as well.

Step 4a: sign up for Mint.com and enter all my expenses.

Step 4b: stay on top of taxes.

Step 4c: stay on top of expense reports. I lose money at every company because of this. Such a waste.

Step 4d: make it a ritual to check my account balances and cut extraneous costs on a weekly basis.

Focus 5: Meaning

How do I have a life with meaning? By doing things to give back, that’s how.

Step 5a: expand efforts to help the homeless. This past year, I’ve joined an End Homelessness coalition and attended meetings to learn more about the realities of homelessness. My wife and I have done cooking for the homeless, which has felt great. We even donated a car to help one hurting family out. Time to do more.

Step 5b: expand knowledge of renewable eenrgy. I’ve been a member of renewable energy groups in Seattle, now it’s time to connect with like minds in Vancouver. I think working with both Puget Sound Energy and BC Hydro will help further my learning in these areas a lot. And working on these brands will really help me feel like my work has meaning.

Focus 6: Mindset

Saved the hardest for last. I have GOT to become less negative and let go of my worries that others will negatively impact me (or my family) through their own issues. I’ve got to understand where all this anger comes from and learn how to process it.

Step 6a: continue hypnotherapy and counseling. This has been a huge help for me, but it’s also like dredging up the silt in a seriously polluted river. All sorts of toxins have been brought to the surface—but at least, they can flow out to sea once they’ve been dredged. Lisa has been a HUGE help.

Step 6b: practice letting go of anger. This is tough. Particularly when the number of idiots cutting me off in traffic (or pulling out in front of me) (or pedestrians selfishly stopping traffic because they can) seems to mushroom. Some days it seems the ENTIRE WORLD IS POPULATED BY THE SELFISH, THE STUPID and THE LAME. Yet right there, that’s incredibly judgmental and self-focused, right? See what I mean?

I have GOT to adjust this mindset or I’m going to die of a heart attack or aneurysm at age 50. And THAT will be my legacy. Whoo fucking hoo.

Step 6c: get positive. My default setting, since I was a kid, was always positive. Until now. Marital and work-related betrayals have made me incredibly bitter and angry. Without step 6a, I’d say this would be impossible. But counseling will help a ton. I just have to force myself to see the positive in everything. NOW, DAMNIT! ;)

More later. Time to get ready for a barbecue. Here at the house!